Category: The Nitty Gritty of Children’s Writing

A character who never does anything—only talks—is not only boring, but unrealistic. So, how do we show our characters moving within a scene?

First, establish where a character is early on.

It may be obvious, but YOU have to know the specific location.

Here are two examples of locations from two different characters in The Witching Wind by Natalie Lloyd. (middle grade novel)

“Why hasn’t Ms. Betsy, the case worker currently driving this van, said a word to her on this trip? Seriously, not one single word since she picked up Grayson to take her to her new foster family.”

“Dang. Eyes open . . . and I’m still sitting here in the last row of an old school bus. The brakes are squeaky, but the air conditioner is working great. Too great. It’s blowing across my bare arms, which are still covered in goose bumps from the community pool.”

Where are you picturing your scene?

What is the character doing?

Even when characters are mostly stationary, it will look very different from one character or circumstance to the next.

A kid in a classroom will mostly likely be sitting at a desk, but doing math homework might be sprawled on the living room rug. One kid at school has a wooden chair tipped back on two legs. In his bedroom he sits on the edge of a saggy bed. Or she collapses in a bean bag chair in the family room.

In my young adult short story, “Falling Short,” Touch, November 1997, the setting is a keyboarding class. An action for the main character who is sitting in front of a computer reads: “I moved the mouse and double-clicked on the word processor.” If you read on, you’d see the characters exchanging a floppy disk (which was appropriate for the time period).

Don’t keep your character static.

She may be standing leaning against the kitchen counter, but she won’t be frozen in place. It can be a minor movement, such as using one finger to move breadcrumbs into a small pile, or it might be stretching up to get a glass out of the cupboard and filling it with water.

Think about their habits.

A kid doing homework might be tapping a pencil, jiggling a leg, or scratching the mosquito bite on his arm. My artistic girls were always drawing something. One of my sons-in-law whistles a lot. Some people chew on their nails or hair. Others might clean their fingernails or pick fuzz off their sweater. Using these habits can add sensory details to the scene.

With whom or what might the character interact?

A sibling or a parent? A fidget puzzle? A bird or turtle? A television? When young, my three grandsons couldn’t pass each other without running a shoulder into a brother, trying to trip one, flinging a punch or an elbow at another. In the evening my cat nags me for her bedtime treats.

Here’s an example of interacting with items in the room from my YA short story: “Lonna jerked open the microwave and shoved in her plate. Slam. Beep, beep, beep. Whirr.” – “Just a Minute,” Encounter, January 7, 2007

Another way to keep the character active is to put them to work. The siblings have to rake leaves. He has to load or unload the dishwasher. She has to feed the dog and clean up the dog poop in the backyard.

Be wary of looking.

Often, writers try to deal with making a character active by telling where they are looking—up, down, at a specific person or object—but much of that can be inferred by other action. A guy reaching for a pair of pliers or his soccer ball is probably looking at it, so we don’t need to be told he’s looking. For more about this topic, read this.

Change location.

It could be a quick transition from one place to another. These may add a chance to show something about a character’s mood and even age. If she’s happy, a little girl might skip, or hop on one foot out of a room. A little boy might zoom out of the room while making car noises or hold out his arms to “fly.” What would either do when sad or mad?

Putting characters in an entirely new location may provide opportunities for actions and sensory details when they interact with the new setting. Think about a character outside. Where are they walking/running/playing? A smooth even path? A gravel driveway? An icy sidewalk? A leaf-strewn yard? A sandy beach? A weedy alley?

In Kate DiCamillo’s early middle grade novel The Hotel Balzaar the main character practices being unseen, but then she enters the finest room in the hotel. “Marta stepped inside. All the windows were open, and a great cold wind blew the curtains back and forth. In a far corner of the room, the parrot perched atop an enormous pile of luggage.”

Remember where you placed your character. (And what they were doing.)

You don’t want a character standing when they are already standing. A girl sitting on the lawn, can’t run without getting up. It’s not stage directing, but giving clear enough details that the next movement makes sense. (To double check actions, it can be helpful to highlight the verbs in a different color for each character in your scene.)

In conclusion…

Keep your characters doing!

“So many writers are more focused on their characters’ snappy banter than showing characters moving seamlessly through the physical world.” – Nathan Bransford

“When we encounter a character in literature or on screen, our first impression often comes from what they do rather than what they say. By showing us a character’s actions, behavior, and choices, we can understand their values and beliefs without any lengthy exposition.” – Kristen Overman

“A story is based upon action big and small, and your readers’ investment in your story has a lot to do with their ability to imagine the action you describe.” – Harrison Demchick

Resources

“Better Ways to Describe Action in Writing – Active Verbs Are Your Best Friend” by Jenny Wiehardt

“How (and Why) to Move Your Protagonist from One Setting to Another” by Lianne Dillsworth

“How to Show Meaningful Character Action in Dialogue Scenes” by C.S. Lakin

How to Use Character Actions to Develop Better Characters

How to write sharp action scenes

Moment-by-Moment