Category: The Nitty Gritty of Children’s Writing

photo of lion cub head pushed right up against snarling male lion's head
Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Close or Deep Point of View

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

As a reader I prefer close third person viewpoint or first person point of view. (Yeah, even in the face of a lion!) Both help me be invested in the main character. Since I know his thoughts, experience what he is experiencing, I can identify with him. I can salivate for what she is eating, feel cold because she is, be anxious about what she’s worried about. Either viewpoint done well helps me get “lost” in the world of the book.

This translates to my own writing. I express what my main character knows, hears, sees, feels, tastes, touches. My main character can’t know what someone else in the story is thinking or doing out of sight. She can guess. She can learn about it from another character. He can spy on another character. He can ask. But I don’t hop from one head to another. In my opinion this makes a story more realistic—after all, I can’t tell in real life what the people around me are thinking, or what they are doing when I’m not present.

I’m not alone in wanting to avoid head hopping.

In a post called “Headhopping, Authorial Intrusion, and Shocked Expressions,” I love what author Anne M. Marble said about her example text: “Either that scene had headhopping or Blythe is psychic. How else would she know what both Anthony and the waitress are thinking and experiencing?”

Author Marcy Kennedy agrees, “Head hopping damages your story because it makes the writing feel choppy. Readers constantly need to pause, however slightly, and figure out who they’re supposed to identify with.”

“…when the narrator switches from one character’s thoughts to another’s too quickly, it jars the reader and breaks the intimacy with the scene’s main character.” – author Joe Bunting.

“Keep the reader in one head, one heart, at a time.” – fiction editor Beth Hill. Ooh, I love that emphasis on heart. And it works whether you are writing in first person or close third person point of view.

I think writers sometimes have trouble staying in one head due to knowing what the other characters are thinking. Writing third person may make it easier to slip up. Author and teacher Jane Friedman has a good post to help: “6 Tips for Writing Deep Third-Person Point of View.”

Writing in first person may be easier, but there are also pitfalls, such as the overuse of “I.” Here’s a helpful post by author Sharon Short: “Six Secrets to Writing from the First Person Point of View.”

I will read books in omniscient point of view—especially if they change from scene to scene or chapter by chapter—but they aren’t my first choice. If you want to learn more about that pov, check out this article: “Omniscient Point of View: 10 Pros You Should Know About” by author and coach Karen Cioffi.

The word GRAMMAR under a magnifying glass
Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing, Tools

Got Grammar?

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

I was reading about a writer struggling with “was” and “were.” I’m guessing she wasn’t having trouble with simple singular and plural:
I was there.
He was there.
We were there.
They were there.

Of course, it gets tricky when we look at the exception of:
You were there.

These all would be the same when phrased as a question versus a statement. (Was I there?)

Perhaps her trouble was with the more complex versions, such as:
A flock of crows was on my lawn. (Ignore the “of crows,” notice the use of “a” before “flock” which implies singular.)
Crows were on my lawn. (If we cut flock.)

But it gets more complicated when we are speculating:
If I were rich, I’d buy you a car. (This is called the subjunctive mood.)

So where do we go when we need help with grammatical issues like this?

One of my go to sources is the book Errors in English and Ways to Correct Them by Harry Shaw. It has a great index to find what you need and is easy to understand. I remember catching one of my elementary age daughters simply reading sections of the book for fun.

But when my cat is in my lap and I can’t reach my bookshelf, I go to the Internet.

One of my favorite sites is Grammar Girl. Check out what Mignon Fogarty, aka Grammar Girl, has to say about subjunctive verbs. She also has several books out: Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing and The Grammar Devotional: Daily Tips for Successful Writing from Grammar Girl.

Colleges and universities often have writing help too. Here’s one I like from University of Minnesota.

This is an interesting post on how to improve your grammar: “Grammar Skills: 10 Tips to Improve” by Hannah Yang. She comments about using grammar checkers—just remember they are not 100% accurate.

I’ll end with a quote: “If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.” – Dorothy Parker

What are your favorite grammar resources?

black and white photo of a smiling black man with a white child in overalls on a dock viewed from the back
Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Flashbacks

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

Should you use flashbacks?

If you can do without, no.

A professional critique made me realize I shouldn’t use a flashback in an opening scene. Making the story chronological gives the reader a chance to be grounded in the present. Author Bharti Kirchner says, “Don’t use flashback immediately after the opening, when the story hasn’t yet gotten off the ground.”

Another writer pointed out where a flashback scene in my novel wasn’t necessary. I read the story without the flashback and it made sense, so I totally cut it. Maybe writing the flashback was necessary for me to know what the characters were doing, but it wasn’t necessary for my reader.

I love this quote by Nancy Kress: “Flashbacks offer many pitfalls. This is because even the best-written flashback carries a built-in disadvantage: It is, by definition, already over.” (emphasis mine.)

“Don’t let unnecessary flashbacks take over and rob the forward momentum from your story’s main conflict.” – Author K.M. Weiland

Screenwriter Jenna Milly says, “It’s better to see your character react to the information the writer wants to get out there in the here and now rather than have it explained in flashback.”

“Flashbacks inevitably go on too long and aren’t usually the best way to tell a story. A flashback is only effective if it moves the story forwards and it’s the only way to tell that part of the story.” – Author Joëlle Anthony

But how do I get the information from the past into my story without a flashback?

First off, during a life and death situation, you don’t. A main character hanging by their fingertips doesn’t have time or energy to spend on memories—they’re trying to figure out how to survive!

Something from the past can be shared in brief dialogue or thoughts. And these thoughts or words could be inspired by a found object, sensory experience, or current event. In other words, something reminds the character of the past. For example, certain scents take me back to a vacation spot in the redwoods when I was a child.

Through conflict. Jenna Milly says, “Or better yet, another character notices how upset your protagonist is when he or she picks up the ring and then pushes for answers. This is how you get conflict – in the here and now – into a scene and also give us the information that would come out in the flashback.”

Use summaries. “One way to keep readers engaged with summaries is to keep them short and mix them between scenes,” Kyla Bagnall says. “You can also use a summary sentence or two as a transition between scenes.”

Tips for using flashbacks:

In her article “The Only Reason Your Story Should Have Flashbacks,” K.M. Weilland shares two reasons to have flashbacks. First, “the character has an interesting backstory.” And second, “the backstory moves the plot.”

In her article “3 Tips for Writing Successful Flashbacks,” Nancy Kress talks about using a flashback after a strong scene, orienting the reader in time and space, and using verb tense conventions to guide the reader in and out of the flashback.

Kayla Bagnall says, “A flashback should significantly alter either how the reader perceives the present, or how the character does.” This is from her article: “5 Ways to Handle the Passing of Time in Your Story.”

picture of a boy making an "ugh" face
Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Actions that Stop Me Reading

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

Here are some reading stoppers related to actions.

Contradictory Actions are those actions that don’t work at the same time. They stop my suspension of disbelief. They’re a bump in the road that slows the flow. Often, it’s two things a character can’t do at the same time.

For example:

  • drummed fingers and clasped hands
  • startled and froze
  • spun and stayed still

The writer may mean them consecutively, but they are so close together they read as happening simultaneously.

The fixes include:

  • choose one action or the other
  • change your conjunction to “then”
  • add more sensory details to separate the actions

Does that mean you can never have contradictory actions? Of course, not. People are contradictory after all. But you want to write them intentionally, not by accident. Here’s a resource: “Paradoxes, Oxymorons, and Contradictory Statements.”

Incorrect Chronology within a sentence or paragraph.

Writers sometimes put the effect before the cause. E.g. He opened his umbrella because it started to rain. The sentence is technically correct, but what happened first? The raindrops. Let the reader see and feel that instead of being told about it. E.g. A cold raindrop hit his nose and he popped his umbrella open. This feels more active than the first version.

Warning signs:

  • action followed by “after” or “because”

The fixes:

  • keep actions chronological
  • think about action and reaction or cause and effect

What caused the character to react should usually come first. Read this excellent post: “Writing Motivation-reaction Units (MRUs According to Swain)” by September C. Fawkes.

Do you always have to write linearly? Again, of course not. Especially if you are making a deliberate choice to do so. Here’s an article on nonlinear writing related to the structure of a novel: “Writing ‘Out of Order’: How to Free Yourself from Chronology” by J.P. Rieger.

Duplicate Actions

This is when the character has already done an action and repeats it, but it’s not logical to repeat it. E.g. Jon scooted out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table. Usually there’s some dialogue and then it appears the writer has forgotten that Jon already sat down. E.g. Jon plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table. Wait, what? He was already sitting!

The fix:

  • compare what your character is doing now and what your mc was already doing—this means rereading very carefully
  • choose more unusual actions since they are more obvious when repeated

Here’s a very helpful article about choosing actions for your characters: “Small Actions, Deeper Characters, Better Stories!” by  Tiffany Lawson Inman.

Not only have I found these issues in others’ writings, but others have found them in mine. This is one of the reasons I find a critique group so valuable.

frowning girl with arms crossed
Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

What Stops Me Reading – Part 2

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

Part 1 was about the overuse of “as.”

Now I want to discuss a few other reasons I quit reading a book. First up is passive voice or passive writing.

Let’s start with a definition: “In passive voice, the subject receives the action of the verb.”

Here’s an obviously awkward example, “The lemon blueberry scone was eaten by me.” Active would be “I ate the lemon blueberry scone.” “The horse was chased by the donkey” is also passive though not as odd sounding. Active: “The donkey chased the horse.”

One simple warning of passive voice is verbs preceded by “were” or “was” (past tense) or “am,” “is,” or “are” (present tense). Often the verbs end in “ing.”* Here’s how it looks: “Jon was walking down the street to the school.” If one continued in the vein of passive verbs, it might sound like this: “He was opening the candy bag and was eating the toffees one by one. His long blond hair was blowing in the wind. He was wearing a blue shirt.” The “was”es get old really fast, don’t they?

This verb form is called “continuous verbs” and there are times it’s appropriate to use them. Read more here. But for the most part think “active verbs.” I’ve shared it before, but love this article: “Better Ways to Describe Action in Writing – Active Verbs Are Your Best Friend” by Jenny Wiehardt.

“Began to,” “started to” can also be passive. Sure, sometimes a character starts to say something or do something, but most of the time he or she simply does the action. “Sally began to cross the room” or “Manuel started to eat his dinner” won’t stop me if they happen infrequently, but multiple ones on the same page probably will.

“There is/are” or “there was/were” are often passive too. E.g. “There were many people in the concert hall.” That’s a fact but what were these people doing? Clapping, cheering? Sucking in a breath of shock? What they are doing will give the reader a more active picture. E.g. “The sold-out crowd in the concert hall rocked with laughter.”

Here’s a hilarious quote on passive versus active: “[The active voice is the] vigorous voice, unashamed to say whodunit. Passive voice is preferred by the weak, the cowardly, ashamed to name the fink who told them what they are evasively telling you.”  John Bremner

Distancing the reader

Distancing the reader is sometimes called filtering. Or in other words the action is shown through someone else’s eyes. Yes, your main character is experiencing what is happening, but don’t slow it down by pointing that out to your reader. “Tacy saw the boy pull out a gun” is much less powerful than “The boy whipped out a gun.” Show the person doing the action instead of someone hearing or seeing the person do the action. Warning signs are I/she/he “heard” or “saw.”

Here’s an interesting article that relates: “Narrative Distance and the Link Between Show vs. Tell” by Stacy Frazer.

No sense of setting

One writer explained that no setting was like putting characters in front of a white board. I’d add that they are in a soundproof room, wearing white, and not eating or smelling or experiencing anything. The reader doesn’t have any details to picture where and when the characters are.

Use sensory details to show the setting. Right now I’m sitting in my living room on the couch with a laptop desk over my legs. My bare feet are almost cold. My cat, Luna, sleeps on the back of the couch. A ceiling fan hums in the room next to me. The bright blue sky and Ponderosa pines reflect in my laptop screen. That’s not outstanding writing, but didn’t that give you a picture of where I am? We want to do the same thing for our readers. Author Bruce Hale says, “I tend to slip my descriptions of setting into the beginnings of scenes, to help the reader picture where the action is taking place.”

Here’s a great article for further information: “5 Steps for Using Setting to Write Compelling Middle-Grade Narrative Fiction” by Heather Mateus Sappenfield.

Too much description

Conversely, if the description bogs down the scene, I find myself skimming to get to the action.

Description worked in with action works the best. And not everything in a room or setting is described. I like this quote: “Best descriptions tend to be impressionistic, seizing on a few select details…letting the readers…do the rest.” – Peter Selgin

Think about this option: “Imagery is powerful shorthand. It says in four or five words what might otherwise take you sentences to describe – and not as vividly.” – Sid Fleishman

This list of “what stops me reading” is not complete. These are just some that bug me, especially in the opening pages of a novel. Once I get hooked on a character and his/her story, I’m probably more forgiving.

*This is different that gerunds which also end in “ing” but are turning verbs into nouns (subject or object) or adjectives. For example, “Running is my thing.” “Let’s go swimming.” “The barking dog is really annoying.”