Category: The Nitty Gritty of Children’s Writing

Reading others’ works-in-progress makes me ask the writers questions about characters such as: “What are they doing?” and “When is this happening?”

The fix for the first? Add character actions during dialogue. There are two types.

People are rarely totally still. We scratch an itch. Shift in a chair. Cross or uncross our legs. Bump against the counter when handwashing dishes. (I often get water on my clothes when I do so.) During allergy season at our house, there’s sneezing, throat clearing, and occasional coughs. These are mostly involuntary or unplanned actions. They can be great tools to:

…sneak in what a character is wearing. E.g. She sneezed into the sleeve of her faux fur coat. He scratched his knee through the hole in his ragged jeans. The girl tripped over her untied shoelace.

…show someone’s discomfort with the conversation. E.g. Matt cleared his throat and hoped his mother would get the hint to change the topic. Theresa flinched. The boy let out an exclamation of disgust.

…show a character’s interest. E.g. He inched closer. She rested a hand on his arm. They drew in their breaths in unison.

What is your character choosing to do? Be specific about it. If she’s drinking a cup of tea, it’s not just any tea, but a British blend with milk. He’s into sports. What kind? Anything with a ball or rowing? The child is playing. Playing what? Pretending to be a police officer, or a cowboy riding the range? A kid isn’t just doing homework, but math homework. These specific details of what the character is actually doing will help ground the reader.

Conversations often take place during mealtimes. It really annoys me when characters on a TV show receive some great food, but never get to take a bite. If your characters are having a conversation during a meal, by the time it is done we should have some idea that they have eaten. For example: Jane swallowed her mouthful of orange soda before answering. Ben lathered butter onto his wheat roll. Cassie took the last bite of rare steak and angled her knife and fork across the paper plate.

Include character reactions to others (including animals). Our youngest daughter used to communicate that she was bored with a parental explanation by twisting her hair. A woman came to my door to deliver a package and backed off when my friendly dog appeared. How does that boy act when he sees a cute girl? Or what does he think? Someone hard of hearing may ask others to repeat. Or sometimes we’re concentrating so hard on what we’re involved with, we don’t hear someone speak.

Action can also provide subtext. Another benefit is that action can show the lie to the words said. It can carry on a separate conversation from the dialogue. It can illustrate what’s really going on in the character’s mind. Do you remember the movie Pride and Prejudice with Kiera Knightley and Matthew McFayden? Near the end he says to her, “If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love–I love–I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” What does she say? “Well, then.” And “Your hands are cold.” Without the action it makes no sense. Here’s the scene.

I love what Becca Puglisi says, “Nonverbal vehicles are like annoying little brothers and sisters, tattling on the dialogue and revealing true emotion.” Her whole article is great—read it here.

The fix for the question, “when is this happening?” Don’t neglect time. Is it midday or midnight? Let the reader know. A scene from the middle of the day moved to the middle of the night might have an intimacy that two o’clock in the afternoon wouldn’t. Is he eating a cookie at seven am? That’s probably more unexpected than dessert after dinner. A ramshackle abandoned cottage looks very different in bright sunshine than at dusk. Spring or fall? It could be humid during one season and cold during another—both will affect your characters.

Sometimes, all that is needed is a simple transition. E.g. Later that afternoon… After breakfast… Nothing happened until two weeks later. An actual clock or calendar can be used. E.g. Kasee checked the time. 10 pm. Where was he? – Sean opened his journal. Friday, May 1^st.

Editor Beth Hill says, “References to time and day (or month or season or year) are necessary to keep readers linked with story events and hold them deep inside the fiction.” I like how she says setting props can help indicate seasons. Plastic Easter eggs scattered on the lawn is very different look from the rotting pumpkin left on the front stoop. Read more of her article here.

I’ve found it helpful to create a written timeline as a guide for my stories stories. I enter scenes and indicate when, where, what, and who. It helps me not have two Wednesdays or a six-day week. When a character refers back to “last Thursday,” I can check and make sure that really was the day the scene happened.

Help your reader keep track of when your characters are and what they are doing and your stories will feel more real.