Category: The Nitty Gritty of Children’s Writing

Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Showing Versus Telling

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

“Show don’t tell,” writers say. But what exactly does that mean? “Telling” is talking about what happened in a story. “Showing” is putting the reader on scene. We are there while it is happening. It’s like being at the theater and watching the monster break through the screen compared to hearing a news reporter tell about the incident.

How do you do it? By using the following. Not all will be used all the time, but a mixture can definitely help your reader be on scene.

• ACTION
Show the reader what is happening. Let them know what the character is doing. It might be some repetitive action he or she does–a habit–or just what they are doing at the moment and how they are doing it.
Not: Stephanie was nervous.
Instead: Stephanie ran her curled hand down the leg of her jeans and back up. The scrape scrape of her fingernails sped up along with the rate of her breathing.

• ACTIVE VERBS (LIMIT ADVERBS)
If you can’t come up with active verb, use a thesaurus to help you find just the right one. The right verb can even give a sense of the mood of the action. We don’t usually stomp when we are happy!
He raced or sprinted…
instead of
He walked hurriedly… OR He went quickly…

OR the passive form He was walking…

• THOUGHTS
Let us know what the main character is thinking. Give us insights into the main character’s thought processes.
Not: Jared thought he should apologize. OR Jared knew he should apologize.
Instead: I guess I’d better tell her I’m sorry, Jared thought. If I don’t, she won’t let me go to Matthew’s house. And then, I’ll really be . . .

• DIALOGUE
Let us hear the characters talk. It will add life to your story. Three different people will say the same thing three different ways.
“What’s up?”
“Hey, how’re you doin’?”
“How are you this fine morning?”

• FEELINGS
Let us feel what your main character is feeling. This can be done with action, dialogue, thoughts, or a combination of the three.
Not: Elaine was sad she didn’t get to go.
Instead: Elaine pouted. “It’s not fair. I worked as hard as she did! Why don’t I get to go?”

• DESCRIPTION
Let us see where and when your scene is happening. Don’t forget to include other senses besides sight: tactile, taste, smell, hearing. Is this a contemporary story or historical? What you describe will let us know.
The boy shivered in the cold morning air. Ice had formed on the watering trough. In the barn the cow lowed. If he didn’t get her milked right away, Pa would take the switch to him. He hoped Ma would have some of the salt pork fried up when he got back to the cabin.

• SPECIFIC NOUNS
Make it clear what you are talking about by using specific nouns. Three people squeezing into a Ferrari gives a different picture than three people climbing into an SUV. Even in simple sentences being precise is better.
She fed her iguana.
instead of
She fed her pet.

• ADJECTIVES THAT COUNT
Not white snow, because most everyone knows it is white. Instead dirty snow, waist-deep snow, packed snow all create different pictures. Don’t go overboard here either. One well-chosen adjective is usually better than a series of weak adjectives:
The humongous dog…
NOT
The very big dog…

Examples using the above suggestions:

Telling:
I was alone in the house and a noise upstairs scared me.

Showing:
The house was quiet. Too quiet. The only sounds were the ticking of the living room clock and the pounding of my heart. I glanced over my shoulder as if I thought someone might be there. Of course, no one was. Why should there be? I knew I was alone. And then I heard it. A thump. Someone had knocked something over in the attic.

Telling:
Jeff broke his mother’s antique vase and was in trouble when she saw it.

Showing:
Crash! Jeff stared at the shattered glass on the hardwood floor. Oh, no! He slapped his palm against his forehead. Mom’s going to kill me! She’s always telling anyone who will listen how the vase came from Texas in a covered wagon. And now I bumped it with my stupid backpack and broke the stupid thing.
Jeff bent down to see if there was anything worth saving, then jerked upright at the
tap, tap, tap of approaching high heels. “I’m sorry, Mom, I’m sorry,” he said. “It was on accident.”
Mrs. Winsted’s mouth gaped open the moment she saw the ruined antique. “Jeffrey Andrews Windsted! Do you realize what you’ve done? That vase was passed down from my great-grandmother!” She grabbed his shoulder and squeezed.

Is there a time to tell? Yes. We often use telling for simple transitions.
There wasn’t anything else I could do, so I left the room.

  • Here, we don’t want a blow by blow of how the person got out of the room.

After Leanne showered and put on her nightgown, she crawled into bed.

  • The details of her shower and her nightgown are not important.

Winston explained his secret plan.

  • If we’ve already heard his thoughts about his plans, we don’t need a rehash as he tells his friend. Or perhaps this simple telling is to keep the reader in suspense; the reader will learn as the plan unfolds before them.

However, if you find yourself telling something important, such as a fight or the danger the character is in, resist temptation and share the gory details. Your readers will appreciate it.

Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Read, Read, Read

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

girl-160169_640Are you taking armloads of children’s books home from the library? Are you perusing the titles in the children’s section of the bookstore? Are you paying attention to Newbery award winners, ALA notables, or Golden Kite Awards? (To name only a few awards.)
Are you reading the books of the publishers whom you’d like to see publish your books? Are you reading books published within the last three years? Books are changing all the time, so you need to keep current. Books from ten years ago are not what publishers are looking for now. So what does that say about books from your childhood?!
If you’re not reading, you need to be. Here’s what a master has to say:
“Read, read, read. Read everything – trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You’ll absorb it. Then write. If it’s good, you’ll find out. If it’s not, throw it out of the window.” -William Faulkner
Many of us write because we love to read, but it’s amazing how many people write, but don’t read. We can learn so much by reading the writing of others. Some of the conventions of writing get ingrained into us as we read. Others may take more study. But who else better to teach us than those who have already done it?
When you read, note what you like. In novels, is it the fast moving pace, the depth of the characters, or how real the story feels? What in this specific book makes you keep reading? In a picture book, is it the way the text sings, or the humor? How did the author accomplish those things? Emulate the traits you like in your own writing.
Note what turns you off. Is it the lengthy description or the level of violence? Is it the high dose of saccharine or preachiness? Is it something that pulled you out of the story? Be aware of whatever stops you. It sounds obvious, but in your own writing don’t do what you hate.
Read in your category and genre. Want to write early middle grade novels or mysteries? Read them. You’ll get the feel for lengths of chapter, language, ages of main characters, types of topics covered, who the “big name” authors are in the genre, who the publishing houses are, and more.
Keep track of what you’re reading, so you can go back to what you learned. I use a table in Word, but a spreadsheet or notebook would work, too.
Here’s the info I keep:
Book Title and a brief description of the story, so I’ll remember what it was about, including the main character’s name and ~ age. If I know who the editor was, I add that, too.
Author – I also might note the illustrator.
Date Published
Category – PB, MG or YA
Genre – contemporary, fantasy, mystery, historical, etc.
My notes – This is where I write what I thought of the book. I start with short and simple (i.e. very good) then go on to say in more detail what I liked or didn’t like.
I file each book entry under the PUBLISHER name. Publishers are alphabetical to help me quickly find what I’m looking for. I keep these entries in date order by publication date.
This above info is especially helpful when you’re preparing to submit. Through frequent reading you’ll begin to know first hand the personalities and quirks of publishing houses. I remember when one new house came on the scene–I read every one of their books I could find. Through that reading, it became obvious my novels would not fit in. Mine did not have the same overall flavor as their books did.
Read lots and lots of children’s books to help you know what is already out there. You’ll know many of the topics and themes by reading, reading, reading. You’ll get an idea of what has been done, and done, and done. Knowing that, means you can write your story from a fresh or unique angle, so you’re not submitting something editors are sick of seeing.
Consider focused reading. Deliberately search for books on your topic or theme. What makes your story different from those? If you find nothing on your topic for your audience, that’s a good selling point in your cover and query letters.
Read agent and editor favorites. Been to a conference and heard an editor talk about books they love (these may or may not be books they’ve edited)? Read an agent’s blog about books he or she has acquired? If you’re interested in that editor or agent, you’ll know better if they might be a fit for you once you’ve read what they like.
Here’s what another master had to say about the importance of reading. “The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over a half a library to make one book.” – Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
So if you want to write, get reading!

Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

The Power of a Good First Line

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

This is expressed easiest by examples. The following are not limited to children’s books and includes current books as well as some classics. Mainly they are novel excerpts, but some are from picture books.

First lines

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” 1984 by George Orwell

“I should of been in school that April day.” A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck

“‘Where’s Papa going with that ax?’ said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.” Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

“That fool of a fairy Lucinda did not intend to lay a curse on me.” Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine

“He came one late, wet spring, and brought the wide world back to my doorstep.” Fool’s Errand by Robin Hobb

“I intensely disliked my father’s fifth wife, but not to the point of murder.” Hot Money by Dick Francis

“I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.” I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

“‘Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,’ grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.” Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

“In an old house in Paris that was covered in vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines.” Madeline, by Ludwig Bemelmans

“When May died, Ob came back to the trailor, got out of his good suit and into his regular clothes, then went and sat in the Chevy for the rest of the night.” Missing May by Cynthia Rylant

“All children, except one, grow up.” Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

“I was fourteen the summer Mama took off for the Birdcage Collectors’ Convention and had ourselves what is now known in this town as the Adrienne Dabney Incident.” send me down a miracle by Han Nolan

“Marylou loved everything about Herbie–how his slime trail glistened in the dark, how he could squeeze inside the cellar window, how he always found the juiciest tomato.” Slug in Love by Susan Pearson

“NOTICE
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.” The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but…” The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

“They had tried to destroy the Will, but that proved to be beyond their power.” The Keys to the Kingdom by Garth Nix

“Mrs. Eva Marie Olinski always gave good answers.” The View From Saturday by E.L. Konigsburg

“Thunder Bunny was a surprise.” Thunder Bunny by Barbara Helen Berger

“‘Take my camel, dear,’ said my Aunt Dot, as she climbed down from this animal on her return from High Mass.” Towers of Trebizond by Rose Macaulay

Reaction

What I find in common will all these lines is they get a reaction from me. Sometimes it’s a double-take of “huh?” Other times it makes me want to know more about either the character or what is happening. Sometimes they make me laugh. Or sympathize. It may be that the language or cadence itself has appeal. But all of them make me want to read on. I’ve been hooked!

How to Build Your Own Good First Line

It’s doubtful that the very first line you write will be the one that stays as the first line of your book, especially for novel length works. I’ve had them be ripped out entirely, rewritten dozens and dozens of time, moved to a later chapter. I’ve also written most of the book and come back and created a new opening when I knew more about my characters.

Here are the categories from the previous post (though they may be restated) plus some additional ideas to get you thinking of what might work best for your story..

  • Appeal to the Ear. Make the words attractive sounding.
  • Establish setting. This often will let us know time period – contemporary story, historical, rural, city, etc.
  • Foreshadow. Hint at the problem or action to come.
  • Generate questions for the reader. “How can that be?”
  • Look back before the present story actually begins. This should probably be brief.
  • Present the protagonist and/or antagonist. Show something of your character in the first line.
  • Present the victim. This most likely will apply to a mystery.
  • Raise the curtain on the action. Begin your story at the moment something goes wrong or the moment that is different.
  • Set the tone of the book. Is your story going to be a comedy, a mystery, or ?
  • Shock or surprise the reader. It may be something that surprises the reader or be a juxtaposition of ideas that are normally not put together.
  • Start with dialogue (internal or external). Let us hear your character talking or thinking.
  • State motive. Why is this character choosing this action?
  • Upset stereotypical images. Describe something/someone unusual or out of the ordinary. Express something in a new way.

Of course, some openings will fit in multiple categories.

Try openings a number of different ways. Set them aside. What one “haunts” you? What one do you keep thinking about? If none do, maybe you need to come at it from another direction. Find one that seems to express your story the best.

Test it, or several versions, on listeners. Try it with other writers, with children of the appropriate audience age. Ask them to answer the simple question “Does it make you want to read on?”

What if this just doesn’t work for you?

Don’t panic. Not all good books start with a compelling first line. Some begin more slowly. It’s the first paragraph or first page that reels the reader in. If that’s more your style, I suggest you study book openings that do that and see what they have in common.

Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Hooking your Reader

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

fish-311720_640Hooks get the reader …

  • interested
  • oriented, or
  • let the reader know what to expect from the book as a whole

Hooks/openings can…

Appeal to the Ear
It was a quiet night until…
Thunk, creak, & knock, knock, knock!
Someone is out there!
But who? Jackie Urbanovic, Duck at the Door
In Sooey, South Dakota
In a sloppy, stuffy, sty,
There’s an itchy ol’ straw bed
Where the Bed Hogs pile high. Kelly S. DiPuchhio, Bed Hogs
“Ba-room, ba-room, ba-room, baripity, baripity, baripity, baripity–Good. His dad had the pickup going.” Katherine Paterson, Bridge to Terebithia

Establish setting
“The temperature of the room dropped fast. Ice formed not he curtains and crusted thickly around the lights in the ceiling.” Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand (The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Book 1)
“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.” J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
“Korea, fifteenth century.” Linda Sue Park, The Kite Fighters

Foreshadow
“Which would you rather be, fat or dead?” Cherie Bennett, Life in the Fat Lane
“When I left my office that beautiful spring day, I had no idea what was in store for me. To begin with, everything was too perfect for anything unusual to happen.” Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

Generate questions for the reader
“It was a pleasure to burn.” Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
“This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it.” William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Look back before the present story actually begins
“Here is James Henry Trotter when he was about four years old. Up until this time, he had had a happy life, living peacefully with his mother and father in a beautiful house beside the sea.” Roald Dahl, James and the Giant Peach
“For as long as she could remember it had been the two of them. ‘Me and Daddy. Daddy and me.'” Norma Fox Mazer, Taking Terri Mueller

Present the protagonist and/or antagonist
“I’m the kind of person who loves being thrilled by a scary book or movie.” Willo Davis Roberts, Hostage
“I was born singing. Most babies cry. I sang an aria.” Gail Carson Levine, Fairest

Present the victim
“The corpse without hands lay in the bottom of a small sailing dinghy drifting just within sight of the Suffolk coast.” P.D. James, Unnatural Causes

Raise the curtain on the action
“‘Hey, Killer! How’s your boyfriend?’
“Juliet Dove felt her cheeks begin to burn.” Bruce Colville, Juliet Dove Queen of Love
“Something was wrong. Kaeldra knew it the moment she awoke.” Susan Fletcher, Dragon’s Milk

Set the tone of the book
“I’ve always loved a good mystery. Like, how do they squeeze ketchup into those little plastic packets?” Bruce Hale, The Chameleon Wore Chartreuse, a Chet Gecko book
“The house looked strange. It was completely empty now, and the door was flung wide open, like something wild had just escaped from it.” Edward Bloor, Tangerine

Shock the reader
“It was a dark, blustery afternoon in spring, and the city of London was chasing a small mining town across the dried-out bed of the old North Sea.” Philip Reed, Mortal Engine
“Worms dangled in Aunt Jessie’s kitchen: red worms swarming over a lump of brown mud in a bowl.” Sharon Creech, Chasing Redbird

Start with dialogue (internal or external)
“Most stories start at the beginning, but I really can’t say I know where that is.” Sara Nickerson, How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found
“‘I’m leaving.’ Dad stands above me in the living room.” Lorie Ann Grover, Hold Me Tight
“‘I don’t even know what I did this time,’ I say to my best friend, Harrison Emerson.” Gennifer Choldenko, Notes from a Liar and Her Dog

State motive
“He chose the Lacey family at first because of the sailboat.” Elaine Marie Alphin, Counterfeit Son
“I came up here to make a dead man change his mind.” Hake Talbot, Rim of the Pit

Upset stereotypical images
“In the land of Ingary, where such things as seven-league boots and cloaks of invisibility really exist, it is quite a misfortunate to be born the eldest of three.” Diana Wynne Jones, Howl’s Moving Castle

Unhooks!
• typos
• once upon a time – too old-fashioned and clichéd
• beginning with a downer
• trying to say everything in the first sentence
• starting in a place of inactivity
• describing irrelevant things in too much detail
• inadvertent mood switches
• baiting the reader with one story, and then swapping it for another
• a weak opening

I’d love to hear other suggestions on this topic. Just include info in the comments.

Posted in Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Listen to the Voices

Posted on by Susan Uhlig

sad-woman-1055083_640Last time I sent my 23-year-old daughter some memorabilia from her old bedroom, Rachel (not pictured here) told me she read her middle school diary, then threw it away! Ackkk! What a lost resource into the mind of a middle school girl.
So this time when Rachel was visiting from Boston, and I suggested she go through a box of “stuff” from her room, I said, “no throwing away diaries.”
As she read her 9th grade diary, she said, “It isn’t as embarrassing as the middle school diary. At least I didn’t focus on so many boys at once.” But still Rachel said she was embarrassed at what she’d written. She summarized the diary for me: Bret, Bret, Bret. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Bret, Kyle, Kyle. And this girl, 14 at the time, wasn’t even allowed to date!
One of the interesting things I discovered – she gave the diary to me – is that besides her sister (her designated driver), the rest of her family was rarely mentioned. Her life was centered on what was happening in the relationships between herself and her friends and the boys she liked. I think her dad and I rated billing along with her dog and her fish. No correct that: her fish died and it got way more words than we did.
Of course, now my daughter looks at what she wrote and wonders, “How did you ever stand me?” I refrained from telling her we’d lived through it once before. But it’s been making me think. I’m working on a novel with a 14-year-old girl as the main character. Now besides my own memories of that age–tainted by years–I have my daughter’s diary to help me out.
More options are available to all of us today, however, than diaries. Teen blogs. Here’s excerpts from several I found on the web. I’ve made no changes to the language or punctuation:
Got my last acceptance letter today. Now all I have left to do is to decide where to go, but this is way harder than I thought. I’m pretty much down to Berkeley and UCLA (maybe USC if my parent’s are willing to sacrifice 40 thousand a year, haha, right.) What to do, what to do?!
So looking at Craigs List, the highest paying jobs for unexperienced girls like me is to become a starlet for Playboy, or adult actress-starlet. I do like money, but not the route to get that much money. So, I looked under the more innocent extras requested…
Yesterday I had a feast with my familly. First we had scarolli or somthing soup with meatballs and chicken in it. Then we had awesome raviolies with meatballs. Then salad and to top it all off we had chocolate dirt cake. Also i miss my girlfriend Sydney terribly….i had a dream about her last night…we were on world tour with green day, her favorite band. And then i saw all my friends in the dream in my classroom and we had a talent show and you had to vote who you wanted to be in it and all my friends voted me and I played Give E’m Hell Kid by My Chemical Romance and then All of Green Day’s songs and then i woke up crying cause i miss my girlfriend.
Listen to those voices. And if you want more, go blog hunting on the web. Some sites are obviously written by adults – others give hints in the title that a teen wrote them. Take what you learn and put it to use making your own teen writing sound authentic.