The Nitty Gritty of Children’s Writing – Page 30

What Stops Me Reading!

Posted on February 10, 2016 by Susan Uhlig

(image courtesy of pixabay.com)

Examples from six published books that stopped me reading.
CONFUSION
Book 1
It was a cute graphic novel. Drawings were lovely; story was sweet. But . . . this middle grade story was told in multiple viewpoints and the main character didn’t solve her own problem in the end. Throughout the story, she kept being rescued by others. I could mostly ignore those problems. What I couldn’t ignore was turning a page and being lost. Did I turn too many pages? I flipped back. No, there simply wasn’t a logical transition to connect the previous page to the next. This happened in several scenes.
Book 2
In another novel by an author I like, I turned the page at the end of a chapter and was confused. Wait, didn’t we just solve that issue? Are we repeating stuff? I turned back to the end of the previous chapter. What I finally decided after rereading and rereading the three chapters is that the middle chapter should have been cut entirely. I probably wouldn’t have put in as much effort to figure this out if I didn’t already like the author.
Book 3
End of chapter one . . . Several pages into chapter two, I suddenly realize that this isn’t the same person as the first chapter. They’re a lot alike though. It’s hard to keep them straight in my head as to which one is which. Since I don’t really like either one, I quit reading.
POINT OF VIEW
Book 4
I’m reading what a character is doing and, in almost an aside, discover that the main character’s horse thinks he’s reliable. Wait. What? You want me to learn about this character by what his horse thinks of him? That might work if we hadn’t just jumped into the mind of a horse. And if we weren’t viewing thoughts that are beyond the capability of said horse. No, doesn’t work for me.
WHOSE STORY IS THIS ANYWAY?
Book 5
Chapter one is about a girl at work passing her thief test–she’s interesting. Chapter two is about a boy–no, not the first boy you see in this chapter, but another one. At least I think so. Chapter three is about the second boy in a previous time. But what about the girl?! For me alternating viewpoints can work, but if not done skillfully can lose my interest.
AUTHOR INTRUSION
Book 6
A mechanical mouse is making its way down a hall, through a door. It can’t see or think, of course, as it is mechanical. But the author tells me, if the mouse could see, he would have seen . . . and if the mouse could think, he would have thought . . . I closed the book.
So, where was the editor in each of these cases?
I know there was one because of who published the books. Which means I have to remember (again) that reading is subjective.
The editors must not have been confused by what confused me in books one through three. In the fourth book, the editor didn’t have a problem with point of view as I did. In book five, the editor was more patient than I to discover how these characters were connected. Book six, evidently the editor didn’t mind author intrusion.
Instead of being annoyed that these novels were published, my goal for my own writing is
to try to avoid these pitfalls:

main character not solving problem
unclear or illogical transitions
redundant information
characters being too much alike
unlikable main character(s)
head hopping, especially into an animal’s
unclear viewpoints, and
author intrusion.

Distancing Your Reader

Posted on January 19, 2016January 7, 2023 by Susan Uhlig

I was writing lines such as “She noticed the fly crawling across the wooden bench” or “He saw the girl toss her hair,” when author Daniel Schwabauer pointed out I was “distancing the reader.” I thought I was showing the character in the action, but I actually s-l-o-w-ed the action by making the character an observer! If I’m in the viewpoint of the character, I can simply state the action. “The fly crawled across the wooden bench.” “The girl tossed her hair.” The reader assumes since these actions are mentioned that the main character saw or experienced them.

Here are some examples crammed into one paragraph:
“It seemed the sun was already scorching the dewy grass. The boy cast his line and watched it fall into the murky pond. He felt sweaty and the mosquitoes were biting. He was afraid it might be too hot to catch any fish.” (43 words)
Better would be action stated directly:
“The sun scorched the moisture from the dewy grass. The boy cast his line into the murky pond. He licked sweat off his upper lip and smashed a mosquito on his jeans. Would the fish bite in this heat?” (39 words)
Four less words and I slipped in what the boy was wearing.

Another example:
“I felt the rail vibrating beneath my feet.” (8 words)
“The rail vibrated beneath my feet.” (7 words)
The rewrite is less passive–more active–more immediate.

Verb forms that distance the reader from the action are a type of passive writing as well. Look at samples:
“let herself drop” versus “dropped”
“attempted to reach” versus “reached”
“tried to climb” versus “climbed”
They aren’t as sharp and weaken the writing.

Another writer, Michelle Hauck, calls it filtering. She says, “Filtering is exactly what its name implies. It is running an observation through your point of view character instead of giving it straight to the reader . . . you’re having the character share the action with the reader instead of putting it directly before the reader. It’s like a stage direction that shouts ‘look here.’ If you have words like ‘heard, saw, watched, looked, realized, knew, understood, seemed, and felt’ then you have filtering.” Read more of her blog article on the topic.

Does this mean you never should use “heard, saw, watched” etc.? In my opinion, no. I was rereading a book recently and the main character is hidden under a tarp in a boat. He can’t see anything outside the tarp. Hearing becomes a very essential sensory detail as the character makes judgments about what he hears. However, if we read about him “hearing” all the time in the story, this particular instance is buried and won’t stand out.

Whether you call it “distancing your reader” or “filtering,” check your writing to see if you are misusing this in your stories.
Images courtesy of morguefile.com.

The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing, Tools

Resizing Photos for Use on Websites

Posted on November 22, 2015 by Susan Uhlig

kitten headshot I find fellow writers (and illustrators) who struggle with getting their book cover images and pictures of themselves in the correct format to upload on websites. In fact, they might have as much of a startled look as this little guy does.
Here’s a how to…
GENERAL GUIDELINES
or WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FIRST

Determine what formats are acceptable. Most common ones are: jpg (jpeg), png or gif. (This is the ending after your file name.) Most pictures out of a camera will be .jpg. When scanning an image, you can usually choose your format.
Check to see the required size for the document or website. Often this will be listed in k or mg (thousand or million). It may be listed in pixels. For example on the SCBWI.org website for book covers or profile pictures, it says: “(must be less than 4MB and a jpg, png, or gif).”
Save your picture with a new name (or duplicate and rename) and work on the copy, so you don’t lose the original high quality image. VERY IMPORTANT!
Crop your picture if necessary before resizing. For a cover image, crop to cover only. For an image of you, it depends what the image is for. Many times you’ll want a head and shoulders shot, versus the whole body.
After you resize save your picture under the new name again.

FOR MAC USERS
Cropping on a Mac

Using FINDER open your duplicate picture in PREVIEW by double-clicking on the copy of the image you want to change.
Choose EDIT on the menu bar.
Click on SELECT ALL. (dotted lines will show around the image)
Sometimes my computer lets me use the mouse pointer as a double-headed arrow to drag the image from corners or sides. Other times, I have to follow the next two steps below. (I’m sorry I don’t why it is different at different times!)
Choose TOOLS on the menu bar.
Click on CROP and use your mouse to click and drag a frame around the portion of your picture that you want to keep. (The icon for your mouse pointer will be a plus.) You can move the frame in or out by the dots on the sides or corners.
When satisfied, go back to TOOLS and click on CROP. Your picture will be “cut down” to the image you want.
Happy with your cropping? Go to FILE on the menu bar and click on SAVE. If not, go to FILE and click on REVERT TO and choose the older “new original” file.

Resizing on a Mac

Using FINDER open your duplicate picture in PREVIEW by double-clicking on the copy of the image you want to resize.
Choose TOOLS on the menu bar.
In the popup window click on ADJUST SIZE.
You’ll see a FIT INTO ___ PIXELS drop down arrow at the top of the new window. Click on the arrow. Choose 640 x 480 or 320 by 240.
Near the bottom of the window a message will flash saying “Calculating Size.” It will tell you how big the picture was and how big it is now. If too small, choose a larger dimension of pixels.
Happy with your image size? Click OK to save.

FOR PC USERS
Cropping on a PC – using Microsoft Office Picture Manager
(If you have Microsoft Office products, you probably have Microsoft Office Picture Manager.)

- Open your duplicate of your picture in Microsoft Office Picture Manager either by opening the program and locating the copy of the image OR using FILE EXPLORER (windows explorer on older PCs to navigate to the copy of the image and right click so you can choose EDIT which will probably open your file with MS Office Picture Manager.
- On the TOOLBAR at that top click on EDIT PICTURE.
- In the popup window on the right, choose CROP.
- Drag black line icons from corners or from each size to crop image. You can move these in or out.
- Click OK.
- Happy with your cropping? Go to FILE on the menu bar and click on SAVE. If not, click on UNDO and start over.

Resizing on a PC – using Microsoft Office Picture Manager
(If you have Microsoft Office products, you probably have Microsoft Office Picture Manager.)

- - Open your duplicate of your picture in Microsoft Office Picture Manager either by opening the program and locating the copy of the image OR using FILE EXPLORER (windows explorer on older PCs to navigate to the copy of the image and right click so you can choose EDIT which will probably open your file with MS Office Picture Manager.
  - On the TOOLBAR at that top click on EDIT PICTURE.
  - In the popup window on the right, choose RESIZE.
  - In the new popup window you can choose, PREDEFINED WIDTH X HEIGHT (or Custom width x height or percentage of original width x height)
  - Using the dropdown arrow choose WEB – LARGE or WEB – SMALL, E-MAIL (large or small). After you select one, look at the difference between the old size and the new size. It will show you in pixels!
  - Click OK.
  - Happy with the size? Go to FILE on the menu bar and click on SAVE. If not, click on UNDO and start over.

ANOTHER PC PROGRAM
Windows 10 will open a program when you click on a photo that also allows cropping, but I don’t see resizing. You can get to it by going to Windows icon in the left bottom corner, then clicking on PHOTOS.

- - As before, make a copy of your original picture first!
  - Go to website. http://picresize.com/
  - Select picture by clicking on browse to find the picture on your computer.
  - Click continue.
  - In the new window you can Crop if needed.
  - After you’ve cropped, rotated, etc., you may make your picture smaller in Resize Your Picture by clicking on the drop down arrows.
  - I wouldn’t recommend Special Effects.
  - Click on I’m Done, Resize My Picture!
  - Now you can View Image or Resume Editing your picture.
  - When happy with it click Save to Disk – you will not get a chance to rename your file, which is why it is so important to have a copy of your original file first.

cropped photo courtesy of morguefile.com

Craft, The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing

Overwriting

Posted on October 14, 2015March 14, 2022 by Susan Uhlig

image courtesy of Kevin Conners and morguefile.com
According to grammar.about.com, overwriting is “a wordy writing style characterized by excessive detail, needless repetition, overwrought figures of speech, and/or convoluted sentence structures.”
Overwriting happens when a writer tries too hard to get the point across or is out to impress the reader. Often, the writer has no idea this is what he’s doing. But the result can be long, boring writing that is often unclear. This can be deadly to a story.

So what’s excessive detail? Those details that don’t really matter, that most everyone will assume.
Excessive detail example:
Jon pulled on his underwear, then white socks, his jeans and a button-down shirt, which he buttoned carefully.
Simplified:
Jon got dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt.
The reader will assume underwear and socks (unless there have been indications earlier or will be later that Jon doesn’t wear those items) and buttoned the shirt in some fashion. Think about what happens in a movie. You might see someone get out of bed and pull on jeans and a shirt. You might see someone showering, and then come out of the bathroom dressed. But usually you don’t see every action of getting those clothes on. It’s because they aren’t usually important details to the story.
Those normal details could make a difference if it is an out-of-the-ordinary detail, such as:
Jon pulled on a pair of lacy women’s underwear, then covered them with a pair of Carhartt jeans.
So think about details that make a difference–ones that matter in your story. But if they are ordinary details, keep them simple and clear.

Excessive detail can also slow the action. You’re off talking about yesterday’s lunch, or plans for tomorrow, when the reader is thinking, but what is happening now?
How do you spot this?
1. Find places in a story where a character says something and the answer from the other person is held in stasis by lengthy thoughts or plans.
2. Look for danger and see if the characters are running from (or fighting) the dragon or are they talking about different ways dragons attack humans? When characters are in danger, they must act. No time for witty riposte, deep thoughts, backstory, etc.

Needless repetition is often easier to see in someone else’s writing than our own. Here are some tips to catch it yourself:

1. Cut the same word used more than once in a sentence.
E.g. My favorite painting is the painting of the tiger. (Simplify: My favorite painting is the tiger.) OR He walked across the room and he opened the door. (Cut second he.)

2. Avoid different forms of the same word used in a sentence.
E.g. Making do, the pioneers made homemade gifts. OR I don’t tolerate intolerance in my classroom. (Reword.)

3. Look for redundancy with words and phrases that over explain.
E.g. On Monday, the first day of the work week… (Like that isn’t standard?). OR Her backpack was purple colored. (We get “was purple.”) OR I got out of school at 2:30 p.m. in the afternoon. (Either p.m. or afternoon, not both.)

4. Watch out for repetition in sentence construction.
E.g. The dog walked into the living room. The dog circled three times and lay down. The dog fell asleep. (Vary sentence structure. At times combine. E.g. In the living room, the dog circled three times and lay down. He fell asleep.)

5. Don’t overuse proper names.
E.g. Sally was homeschooled in sixth grade, but Sally went back to public school for seventh grade. In eighth grade, Sally was in honors English. (Rewrite so you don’t use the name twice in the same sentence or even a sentence immediately following–it’s okay to use pronouns.)

6. Be wary of overusing favorite words or phrases.
E.g. really, very, looked, turned, etc. Clenched his jaw. Tensed her muscles. (Sometimes these are clichés as well. If you become aware of a favorite word or phrase, you can always have your word processor search for it.)

7. Make your point once and trust your reader to get it.
E.g. Milton had worked hard and was very hungry. “I’m so hungry I could eat a giant pizza all by myself,” he said. Milton felt as if he’d starve to death if he didn’t get something to eat soon. (Really? It’s necessary to say that in three different ways? Pick the best. For fiction, I’d choose the dialogue. For a report, I’d probably use the first statement.)

Reading your writing aloud can be very helpful in finding repetition.

Overwrought figures of speech can be expressions that don’t make sense in context or ones that are “over the top” for the situation.
Nonsensical figures of speech examples:
I have insomnia but I am not going to lose any sleep over it.
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
He’s out to lunch about his new diet.
Going overboard with figures of speech is something some teens are very good at doing. So if it’s in dialogue and that fits your character’s personality use an extreme figure of speech. But every time something goes wrong for your character, you don’t want to exaggerate in narration.
E.g. He couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t speak. (And then the story shows that the character can breathe or speak. Or the dialogue shows the problem. “I . . . can’t . . . breathe.”)
He thought he was going to die if she said no. (Of course he won’t die. This is often telling instead of showing as well.)
Too many figures of speech in a single paragraph can be too much as well.
For example: The man hummed like a busy beehive. The intensity of his tone rose as if someone was trying to steal the honey. A buzz burst from his lips.
Line after line of this can be exhausting.

Convoluted sentence structures can be difficult to understand. Sometimes the problem is an out of place phrase. Or perhaps there are too many thoughts and/or actions in one sentence. It may only be clear in the writer’s mind who is doing what.
The fix is to simplify. Cut unnecessary words. Divide a sentence into two or more. Make sure clauses are appropriately placed.

Convoluted examples with simplifications following:

1. Did you work full-time or part-time for an employer or were you self-employed during the week ending last Saturday, which you have not already reported? (Huh?)
Better: Is there any other work, whether full-time or part-time for an employer, or self-employed work, for the last calendar week that you have not reported?
Better yet: Did you do any other work during the last calendar week that you have not yet reported? Please consider all full-time or part-time for an employer and any self-employment work.

2. After Marie started using the medicine for four days is the reason she felt better. (I get it, but it’s not as clear as it could be.)
Better: The reason Marie felt better was four days of taking the medicine.
Better yet: Marie felt better after four days on the medicine.

3. Reaching through the open door of the stable, Lisa grabbed a bridle and set of reins, then turned around and speaking softly put the bit into the horse’s mouth, eased the bridle over his ears and draped the reins over the saddle horn, before smoothly mounting the horse.
Better: In the stable Lisa grabbed a bridle. Speaking softly, she stepped up to the horse and slipped the bit between his teeth. His ears flickered when she eased the headstall over his head and draped the reins over the saddle horn. In one smooth motion, she put her left foot in the stirrup and mounted the horse. (This is more step-by-step, rather than cramming it all in one sentence. The terminology is also more technically correct. Plus, breaking it up allowed me to add more detail.)

4. Matt let go of Sean’s arm and wiped the sweat off the back of his neck. (Was Matt wiping his own sweat or Sean’s?)
Better: Letting go of Sean’s arm, Matt wiped the sweat off the back of his neck. (More obvious it’s Matt’s sweat.)
Better yet: Matt wiped the sweat off the back of his neck. (Do we need to know he dropped Sean’s arm? He has two hands.)

Remember, the point of storytelling isn’t too impress anyone with your imagery, your attention to every detail, or your unusual sentences. Unclutter your writing and clearly tell a good story.

The Nitty Gritty of Children's Writing, Tools

Are List Serves a Service or a Waste of Time?

Posted on September 24, 2015October 30, 2019 by Susan Uhlig

The answer–depends how you use them.
Yes, you can be signed up for too many, or for ones that don’t really fit your needs or interests. Or you can waste your time reading and talking too much or on off-topics. (Much of this applies to Facebook pages or groups as well.)
However, I believe that used judiciously, list serves can be useful. There are one-way list serves–basically announcements that provide information. And two-way list serves, which are
online communities. I’m addressing the latter here. Writing (or illustrating) is mostly a solitary activity. Meeting with other creative face to face isn’t always possible, but a list serve can be a good substitute.
Let’s talk about several ways people are involved.
Lurking
All this means is that people are reading, but not participating in the conversation. They don’t comment, nor start new topics, nor share good and bad news. We call them “lurkers.” Does this mean they can’t get anything out of the posts? Of course not. They can glean lots of information from what others are saying. But…if they have a question and don’t ask it on the list serve, how will they get it answered?
One of my friends had been lurking on a list serve and because I “out”ed that she was there (she had invited me to it), she decided she’d better introduce herself. Nervously, she wrote a post of intro and commented on a topic that the group had been discussing. She asked me to look over her post before she sent it. “Is it okay?” she asked. “Definitely,” I told her. “Go ahead and post.” She did, and guess who commented?! Andy Boyles of Highlights. Just by making an intelligent comment on a list serve she had a short conversation with an editor.
Posting
Posting means participating in the conversation. It can include sharing information from good articles or tips you’ve read, links to resources and events, your own posts on a topic from your blog or on a website, information about the publishing industry, etc. It’s a place to ask and answer questions, get opinions or quick feedback, find potential critique partners, learn about opportunities, meet people, and make friends.
List Serve Etiquette
Although on many list serves you are welcome to share about yourself and your successes, on no list serve should your posts be all about you. Remember that word conversation. Don’t shout about “me, me, me.” Instead, engage others by rejoicing with their successes, commiserating when appropriate, etc. Ask and answer questions.
Never attack someone. (Also known as flaming.) If you disagree with something, be polite when expressing yourself. Don’t participate in a long and involved argument; simply state your opinion and move on.
Never make rude comments about another children’s writer or illustrator, editor or agent. Yes, sometimes we gripe in general about a situation, but don’t make libelous statements. You also don’t want to create an overall view of yourself as a complainer. As Thumper says, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” You’ll stay out of a lot of trouble by following that little rule.
If you want to share someone’s words/thoughts from a post on a list serve, ask the author’s permission. It’s fine to share links.
When replying, don’t quote the whole message you are responding to (and definitely not a whole digest).
If you want to start a new conversation, start a new topic instead of commenting on a previous topic. A back and forth conversation is called a thread. Basically, it’s good to keep the same thread under one subject heading.
It’s nice to sign your name. Some lists will ask you to post your email address as well.
Be gracious. People will make mistakes, including you.
Types of Groups
Groups are hosted by a provider, such as Yahoo or Google. They can be open or closed. An open group is one anyone can join. Closed groups are often invitation only, or the person desiring to join must be approved by a moderator. Groups can be by location, genre, organization, work group, or any limitation or category someone dreams up.
How List Serves Commonly Work
Most list serves can be used in three ways:
• Individual emails to your inbox each time someone posts
• Daily digests – a collection of the days posts with headings emailed to your inbox
• Reading posts online
It’s usual to be able to reply to posts via email, to the sender directly, to the whole group or online. Starting a new topic can be done online or by sending an email to the list serves email address.
Some list serves have moderated posts, which can either be someone approving posts before they go “live” or someone who just watches out for problems.
It’s also usually easy to unsubscribe from a list that no longer meets your needs.
Why I Use List Serves
I use them for community, for staying in touch with people I don’t see often, for help and information, and have even gotten job leads.
I’d be interested in hearing what others think about this topic.
(bird on a wire picture courtesy of morguefile.com)